I have always prided myself on having emotional baggage that fit neatly into an overhead compartment.
Look, when you get to a certain point in life we are dragging crap around. The key is to make sure your crap is at least color coordinated and fits in a weekender. If you got a steamer trunk and some mismatched duffel bags, you might need to "talk" to somebody.
A few years back my nice little weekender exploded into a full blown storage unit of s*&t. I know, everyone has the bad break up that caused some serious collateral damage, but this one has been known to silence a room. It was bad.
All I will say is there was an engagement, then nothing. No break up, no phone call, not even a text, just nothing. I found out later, through mutual friends, that he had married another woman quite suddenly and three months after the wedding..........................he died of a heart attack.
That's the short version, the long version is.........even uglier and paints him in a pretty horrendous light. The guy is dead and his widow was only married for three months. I was angry and hurt but I still have a heart. Airing his dirty laundry is not necessary.
The damage of said break up was me not dating. It's not like I became a hard bitter person, I just stopped dating. I don't see when men are flirting with me and I don't respond to said flirting. I don't mean to, it's just that part of my life sort of shut down.
There is this QI practitioner who talks about emotional blows. He said there are times in ones life that hit them so hard they are forever changed. Complete parts of their personality can disappear. I guess that's what happened, I no longer viewed myself as desirable, so I had no desire.
Things have been shifting recently. I've seen some things that have made me think, "well he might make for a fun weekend" but I am still very closed. This past week however, has been interesting and this morning was just shocking.
I had a gentleman tell me how pretty my feet were. Which for the record is a little too personal when dealing with a stranger. Yes, we ladies decorate ourselves to attract men. We paint our nails and put glittery things on to call attention or improve our self esteem. However, when you zoom in on one part of the package, its creepy. Especially if its feet, that's just gross and I don't want to think about where your brain just went when you saw and then thought and then blurted out "wow, you have really pretty feet.". EWWWW.
I am all for letting your freak flag fly but there are some things that should be kept private until two people are kinda grooving on each other. Know what I mean.
I had another guy tell me my lips were sexy. Again, WHAT!!!! Maybe I am just a little conservative but "do I know you!?!".......come on man. What happened to "you have beautiful eyes" or "a nice smile". I was really starting to think I may just have to go back to my little hidey hole because I'm starting to feel like a steak ...............and then Jose showed up this morning.
Jose has been working on the condo next to mine for a few weeks. Y'all this boy is young, he is barely 20 if he's a day. As I was dragging out to my car, he comes rushing down the path and is holding in his gorgeous brown hand a small purple flower!! "You are very beautiful Senora. I hope you have a good day"
Holy crap........really. I think I said thank you or what, I don't know. It was so unusual for me and so unexpected that I probably hurt the poor child's feelings.
Damn those Latinos know what they are doing.
I don't know if I am ready to let my walls down just yet, but I do know that I have been staring at that little flower all day.
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