Don't call that man.

A friend of mine has recently been dumped and has officially lost her mind.

Being a reformed drama queen, I feel obligated to attempt to save her from herself.

It has not been easy and based on the escalating crazy of today's texts I fear she is, as I type this, standing on his lawn screaming obscenities.

Over the years, I have developed an aversion to vulgar displays of drama. I think it has to do with my Great Aunt.

One of my earliest memories is my Great Aunt smacking my mouth with the back of her hand.

"Ladies do not chew gum!"

You see Auntie J was of the glove wearing generation. Never left the house without being fully coiffed and powdered. She most definitely did not chew gum "looks like a cow chewing cud".
Don't get me wrong, she's got skeletons in her closet and she's got deep closets, but no one outside of immediate family knows about said skeletons.

And if they do, they know to whisper about it behind her back like a decent person. ;)

Maybe this is why my tolerance for unbecoming behavior is a little low.
.
Look, I'm not angel, I can wear a little too much makeup, show a little too much cleavage and get a little mouthy, especially if I have had a drink but, that crazy, I'm going to get you back revenge crap, is just ugly.


First of all, they were NOT in a relationship.

They were in a situation.

Ladies listen up, if a man is not calling you and making time to see, you are one of two things; just a friend or someone to keep simmering on the back burner in case he gets "lonely"

Um, yes.

Think back to the last time a guy was really into you. Did you have to keep calling or texting, no, he was just there. If he's not there, oh he is not there.

I don't care what cute things he says or texts to you, if he ain't making the time, you are NOT his top priority. When a man wants you...he MAKES the time.

Also, a text at 10pm on a Thursday saying "hey do you want to come over and watch a movie" is not a date.
Did you watch a movie?
No.............not a date, sweetie. :( (sorry)

I am having to ride a very fine line. My friend is hurt, she's vulnerable, she did some stupid things with a complete moron and now she has temporarily lost her mind. She is constantly checking his facebook page and calling his number.

This bi&*ch has lost it. Today she texted me and asked if she should show up at his Wed night spot.

NOOOOOO!

The worst thing you can ever do is let an ex see your crazy. I don't care if you need to call every friend in your contact list. I don't care if you have to write evil little letters and mail them off to nowhere. Do whatever you have to do to keep that man (or woman....oh yeah, the men folk are the worst, y'all go BATSH*T CRAZY) from seeing you at defcon 5 level psycho.

It is not pretty, and he does not need to KNOW how badly he hurt you. On the contrary.

You know what really gets somebody..........you being cool as a cucumber.

"Oh me, things are great, I just got a raise and next month I'm going to Paris" 

I don't care if it is a complete lie and you have to collapse in a heap of tears and mascara afterwards. As far as that ex is concerned........you are doing GREAT and YOUR life is wonderful.

Oh, and this little exchange should only come up if you accidentally bump into one another.
You don't need to be emailing about how great your life is.........that's CRAZY.


I have a feeling it's going to be a loooong night.